Reaching out....& Teen Mom 2

It's 9. 5 weeks now and I have been surprised on how many people have been reaching out letting us know their stories of having a baby, and the challenges so many people face. Having a baby is not easy for a lot of people, Gay, straight, single, we all have our own stories of challenges.
Last week I had a messages from a two different women, who have been struggling for years on having a baby of their own, years of trying without success. One of these women was finally successful after 5 years, the other was a few years with several unsuccessful pregnancy's. Each story was heartbreaking, as well as inspiring, that people just keep on trying for something that means so much to them. These stories from people are everywhere we turn, maybe because we have been going through this ourselves we are more open to listening to these situations or maybe there are more people out there that just want to share their stories with people that understand.
Two weeks ago I was also contacted by a man in Seattle that wanted some information from us about the hospital we are using in Panama and some insight on what we had gone through and overall advice. We are happy to help people with these questions, and thrilled that this gentleman has actually set forth in starting a surrogacy procedure for himself now out of Panama.
It is more and more obvious to us that people need help in finding a way to have a baby, and its something that people shouldn't take for granted.
Daniel and I are addicted to watching Teen Mom 2 on TV Tuesday nights (should we be embarrassed?) its all too clear to us that so many people don't want, or shouldn't have kids but for them the process is easy. Sometimes people don't know how lucky they are, when so many people will do anything to have a family but for some reason can't. Strange how life works....

Just one last point, wanted to say thanks to a good friend Pam and Jeremy for the first baby gift last week....Thanks guys!

9 weeks 2 days....

Past the nine week mark with our pregnancy, and we haven't heard anything from Panama this week. I guess the saying is true " no news is good news".  We likely will not hear anything until our 12 week ultra sound which is on February 16th. This will mark the end of our first trimester.

We are trying not to plan too far ahead since we are so early in the pregnancy but some days are harder than others like today... we ended up trading in Daniel's dream sports car (Genesis Coupe 3.8) which he has had for about 14 months, for a more family oriented SUV (Tucson GSL) where we can install a car seat in the back, as well  transport every piece of equipment meant for a baby and then some. Was this too premature? We didn't think so....Daniel has always had it in his head that it would probably be extremely difficult for us to get pregnant, but once we are pregnant everything would be alright.

Even without thinking consciously about it, plans are starting to unfold within the depths of our minds about having a baby and what the future has in store for us, how will be design the baby room?, how will we afford all the payments to the hospital? What will our time down in Panama be like once we pick up the baby...so many questions and so much to plan.

I guess for us we are lucky because we are able to plan out everything ahead of time, know step by step what will happen and when, and even know months ahead when our c-section will be so we can be down for the delivery. We have been planning as far out as pre-fertilisation.  We actually had to plan the exact date and time that we were escorted into a small sterile room, bad porn, and a collection container so we could give our deposit...this was where our babies life started.  Romantic? definitely not!, but for us how our journey had to happen. Unlike most couples we have thought out almost every step of this process and now that we are pregnant, almost half of what we had planned has already happened...

We both look forward to the next few months, and welcome planning more for the arrival of our baby....

We are going through a surrogacy procedure........Say What?

When Daniel and I first thought about surrogacy, it was the logical first step for us to look into when planning to have a family, yes we did consider adoption but surrogacy was the first avenue for us to look at before making any other decisions.
Once the decision had been made we did start telling some friends and our families what we were planning to do...these made for some interesting conversations.

First of all our friends were about a 50-50 split on those who understood what surrogacy was, and those who had no clue of what it meant. This was a conversation we both became very good at explaning to people, and once our friends understood it and what it meant they were all on board and thought it was great. Telling our families were quite a different story.....

My parents are a bit older, in their 70's, we sat them down one day to go over our plans with them. "Daniel and I are going to be exploring the possibilities of having a baby through surrogacy at a hospital in Panama this next year", simple enough of a statement we thought, we have been talking about it with each other for the last year and to us it became part of our everyday conversations with each other. It soon became ultimately clear when across the table their sat my parents with a glazed look over their faces, a small nervous smile on both their faces. After about 5 minutes of dead silence we finally asked them if they understood what we were talking about..."not really" was the answer. To us what seemed so simple of a concept we then realized surrogacy is not common, at least in Canada it hasn't been widely accepted and to be honest not a lot of people have ever heard of it. Our simple conversation turned out to be several longer conversations to my parents about how it worked, what all was involved and even to this day I don't think my father fully understands the process. I agree it is confusing when you tell someone we fertilized eggs from one women, then a different women is carrying the embryos, and this all has to be done in a Country far far away.... but that's OK, all he knows is that he is going to be a grandfather again, which to him is all good news.

Our conversations with Daniel's side of the family was a bit better, again its hard for anyone who has never heard of this before to fully understand what all is involved but with each conversation we have with people the more on board everyone seems to be, and finally after a year at least our family and friends understand what surrogacy is.

Each week that passes and the more comfortable we are with telling people about our pregnancy these conversations are getting better, as well we enjoy telling more people and seeing the looks in their eyes when we tell them what we are doing. Most people have loads of questions, which we enjoy answering and welcome any and all questions people have....the other day I started getting some questions through email from people I dont even know asking about the procecss and how to go about it...so hopefully writing this blog is doing a little bit of good....or at least entertaining some folks!

Panama VS. India....

When researching surrogacy we quickly found out that there were really only two options available for same sex couple that want children, either go through India or Panama.

So why Panama? For us it wasn't an easy decision but we did look into both Countries quite at length.
Yes, India was a bit less expensive and their success rates are higher than other places and even higher than  the national average for IVF success rates, this is due to the fact they transfer fertilised embryos into two separate surrogate at the same time hoping that one of them becomes pregnant and if both become pregnant, well you end up with an instant reality show. India for us is a world away, we don't know anything about it, we wouldn't be able to get their quickly if needed to, and we just weren't comfortable knowing there was another option that could be more convenient for us.

We started to look more closely into Panama as an option, it turned out one of my colleagues I work with has a vacation home in Panama and she was more than happy to share everything about Panama that she knew, she loved it and had nothing but good things to say about it, she actually had been to the hospital we were researching and said it was a state of the art facility. This made us feel safe and relieved. Plus Panama is a 5-ish hour flight from Toronto Canada.

When we went down to Panama in August for our first attempt, and first time fertilising eggs it turned out to be as stressful as we had initially thought, not knowing what to expect, not knowing the environment, as well having a huge language barrier. The week we were there seemed like an eternity, but none the less we managed through.  Because we were not successful we did have to go back down in December for another round of treatments, this time though it seemed less stressful, more at ease, as well we had an overall better feeling about our treatment and had a small inkling in the back of our minds that we would be successful this time.

Shortly after retuning to Canada, I saw a post on Facebook from a dear friend that lived in Vancouver about her being in Panama for work. I thought how crazy this was that someone else I knew was in Panama the same time unknowing. Immediately I sent her a message on face book and after a few hours of messaging back and forth with her found out my good friend Alana not only had been down in Panama the same time as we had been there, but will be living there for an unknown amount of time. Crazy! Alana immediately asked when we would be back and then graciously offered to have us stay with her if we get pregnant and once we go down to pick up the baby. The world works in mysterious ways they say, and I tend to agree. For someone who has never heard much about Panama to now being intimately familiar with it, as well have good friends who are now connections down there is truly amazing.

Everyday Daniel and I say we made the right decision in choosing Panama, and now we will be connected to her for life........

A Pictures Worth a Thousand Words....OR MORE

This entire process and the last year has been all about pictures.  Pictures have played a role for us in every step in this surrogacy process. It started off by searching the internet finding websites and pictures of agencies that could help us with the surrogacy process, this was the first step in our research. We were amazed with the amount of postings, pictures, links and blogs about this topic but to us there were less than a handful of choices for us that looked "legitimate".

Through deeper research we had pictures of the hospital in Panama we chose to help us, as well even pictures of the doctors that will be performing our procedures if lucky enough to venture on this journey. Its amazing how much you can find on the internet when actually looking....

When dealing with our doctors we chose our egg donors with just seeing pictures, not unlike internet dating sites when you get profiles, statistics, health and IQ from these women who were offering up their own eggs for purchase. Yes it seemed a bit dirty at first, but soon we were excited to see exactly who these women were and how our genes could be mixed with theirs...the excitement began!
At that moment pictures formed in our heads, or how our baby would look like, how it would smile, laugh, cry...it never ended the non stop picture show playing in our minds.

Now that we are actually pregnant (8 weeks 2 days!) pictures will play the entire part of how our baby is developing and growing, and I am happy to say we received our first ultra sound picture yesterday it took everything not to stop and cry at work, the excitement to actually see a part of us growing inside the small outline of a uterus that was shown on the ultrasound. The only thought that played through my mind was, "this is actually real now".

Since being thousands of miles away from our surrogate, the hospital,  and our baby most of this process will have to be done through email and pictures, hard to comprehend, but this is the way our journey has to unfold...excited about the prospect of our next set of pictures and news we know we are luckier than most for having these pictures that will shape our future and the future of our family.

To Tell or not To Tell......

People have asked the both of us on several occassions why would we tell people we are pregnant with only being at the 8 week mark, or even earlier for that matter. ( We told people at the 4 week mark). This was something Daniel and I spoke about before we started this entire process actually and for us it was an easy decision to make. We quickly found out that with going through a surrogacy procedure we needed the support from everyone around us, friends and family alike, this is not something that you do alone or you would drive yourself crazy.

Since we are doing this process in an entire different Country the amount of planning, coordinating, and scheduling of travel etc is mind boggling, and there would never be a way of doing this without everyone around you knowing something was up...as well the mood swings Daniel and I are both going through isn't something that isn't noticed by your friends and co-workers!

Through the process and the failed attempts we have valued the support of friends and family and sharing this entire process with the people we love and care for has been amazing, we wouldnt have chosen any other decision but to tell people what we are going through, plus its a pretty cool story! And we both thank everyone for this support.

BTW-finally received an email last late yesterday afternoon that the baby is still doing well, and the heart beat is still beating strong! another good day!

Second Ultra-Sound week 8

It's bright and early thursday morning and just anxious again about our second ultra-sound. It has been a year of waiting on pins and needles.  You learn quickly that this process is not for the faint at heart, or those who are not able to deal with stress well. The idea of having someone you have never met carry your baby, with no contact for the entire 9 months seems strange to most people but we have learnt that this is the path that we need to follow if we want to be successful in having a family of our own.....we have not heard much from our doctor Sindy lately, just once a week when we have our ultra-sounds and even this communication is limited to a quick email comprised of a few small sentences:

The ultrasound was preformed a few minutes ago and everything looks just fine.  It is a singleton pregnancy, the heartbeat is strong.  She is currently 7 weeks and 2 days.  Her next appointment will be on January 19th and I will touch base with you then.  

It seems pretty amazing how you wait an entire 7 days in anticipation for this short amount of information, but even though the message is short it turns our to be music to our ears.....

A long time waiting...but

It's been a few months since my last post and a lot has gone on since August 2011. It is now January 2012, a New Year has begun and we had the Christmas of a lifetime.....
After our attempts failed in August with our surrogate and transferring all of our embyos, we decided to give it one last attempts and move forward with a new egg donor and surrogate in December 2011. We headed down to Panama once again to start the process over, and again knowing what to expect still caused us much stress and angst.
We were in Panama a total of three nights this time, and although it was a whirl wind trip, it was successful non-theless.
Once we arrived back in Canada we had the familiar few weeks of waiting time and endless questions from family and friends with what was going on, and if we had heard any news yet.
The morning of December 24th at 0700am I received an email from our Doctor in Panama to tell us finally, yes we were indeed pregnant! Let the journey begin again and hopefully 2012 will bring us one step closer to the family we have always wanted....